Change Rage, Routine Flipping...
...and the coffee to get us through it all.
I don’t necessarily love coffee, I love the routine of coffee. For three straight years, I drove to Dunkin’ - I kid you not - every morning. Not for their can’t-be-missed iced coffee (which I’ve now learned can absolutely be missed), but because I liked the drive to and from and the feel of the coffee in my hand.
At the end of last year, I switched my routine to coffee at home. I went to the Motherland (aka Target) and picked out a cup I loved, experimented with iced coffee + creamer options and conquered the science of making the perfect-for-me morning drink. But the fact remained: I didn’t love coffee, I loved the routine.
What To Know
What I don’t love? Change to my routines. Okay, I’ll be honest here. I don’t love change…period. In fact, in a continuation of honesty, I’m actually terrified of change. And when I so scared of something - I get angry. Like my brothers learned early on, if they jump out and startle me - I don’t run, I punch. In a fight or flight scenario, I am squarely in the fight category.
Some days, that’s where I find myself. Mad, ready to fight. The Holland household has gone through some big changes over the past year, with more to come. Jobs, houses, family, relationships - we’ve been in this tornado of change in every area of our lives. It feels like nothing is the same. And I like same. Same creates a narrative I really like: I’m in control.
See, that’s what fear is rooted in: The potential loss of control. And the irony of it all? We never had control.
The illusion of control? Yes.
Illusion: Picking our spouse means we’ll have the perfect marriage.
Illusion: Choosing our career path means we’ll always be successful and fulfilled.
Illusion: Eating right + exercise means we’ll never battle a diagnosis.
Illusion: Selecting the right school for our kids means they’ll grow up being all we dream for them to be.
We believe we have control. But then…
He starts shutting down around you.
You didn’t get the promotion you poured hours into working toward.
The doctor found something odd in your bloodwork.
Your child is overwhelmed by anxiety.
The cracks in control cracks our hearts wide open to all the what if’s we so carefully avoided.
That’s when I get ticked. None of this was supposed to be like this.
But, again, the anger is just masking the fear.
Fear can easily begin driving our decisions. A decision made out of fear (as in, a mistrust of God’s nature, character or promise) is a decision made in sin. Decisions made in sin never lead to fruitfulness. Only fruitlessness.
Fear builds this phantom pressure to maintain control.
In 1 Samuel 13, Saul blatantly disobeys what the prophet Samuel advised him to do. There was an enemy army, only getting bigger close by and Saul’s own troops only getting more restless in his camp. Saul set aside God’s plan for his own - trying to make it God-adjacent (i.e. a sacrifice), but not quite God-ordained. We do that too, right? Reason ourselves into a decision that feels God-like without waiting for God Himself to guide us.
Saul’s decision made in fear - Saul’s disobedience - changed the entire trajectory of his life. A change I’m sure he didn’t much like.
See, Saul wanted to control the outcome. Me too, Saul. I feel that.
But, I’ve learned from experience, I’d rather have an outcome constructed by the hand of God than an outcome constructed by my own hands.
I can’t see past this very moment, right now, typing this for you. I can guess - but I can’t know.
He knows. Not only has He seen it, but He wrote it. He’s already fully been there. He’s gone before me.
My job isn’t to figure out God’s plan or how He will meet my needs. My job is, as Eugene Peterson put it, a long obedience in the same direction. His direction.
Nothing will stay the same. My story will change. But His promise is the still the same: He is with us, for us and living in us. He will always give us what we need. And it will always - can only - be good.
Because that’s who He is. And He doesn’t change
What To Ignore
The iced coffee you think you have to swing through a drive-thru to get. Changing routines is hard, I get it. But putting a timeline on giving something new a try that could benefit your health, your mind, your spirit, your wallet - makes room for grace if the new routine doesn’t quite catch on. I told myself I wasn’t going to buy coffee for a month. Through trial and error, I’ve gotten a bit snobby about my coffee from home, refusing to believe anyone else can make it as good as I can.
That’s mainly because I found Stok. Someone told me about it and I’m thinking about making them my best friend now. Bold & Smooth speaks to me. Here’s to helping each other try new things, and even if those new things don’t work out - cheering anyway.
What To Try
I don’t pretend to understand the make-up game. Even if I did try to pretend to understand - you wouldn’t believe me. What’s been most elusive to me, though, is this contouring chaos. Why are we using such a dark color? Where does it all go? How do you not look like you’re just trying out a new form of camouflaging for the US government?
But if I didn’t find the most simple explanation and step-by-step how-to over on the ol TikTok! Truly, I’ve watched this video every morning as I do my make-up and purchased this mini set to give it a try with.
Am I professional now? Yes, probably so. Kim K will be calling soon, I’m sure.
I love summer and I really hate to see it go. I know some of ya’ll are out there firing up your Fireside candle and looking for the one leaf that’s starting to change color - but I love the freedom connected to summer. What I do get excited about though is fresh starts. And with fall comes fresh beginnings. Lots of fresh beginnings from us over here at No One Told Me are coming late August. Stay tuned.
