Deeper Waters and Shallow Clothing Choices
Plus why I'll never look at Chipotle the same again.
Two weeks into 2023 - how are those New Year resolutions/goals/words/etc. going? I’m trying to get back to some rhythms that have always proven beneficial, but are the first things to get thrown out the window when life gets chaotic. For about 15 minutes every morning and night, I’m trying to read something intentional that leads to some kind of personal growth because that feels necessary. I’m currently working through Rich Villodas’ The Deeply Formed Life and something I read this morning reminded me of my 2021 intention to go deeper:
This consumption culture has profoundly influenced the way we engage (or don’t engage) holy Scripture. Instead of slowly ingesting the truth of God’s written Word, we live in the surface of the text, rarely settled enough to hear God’s particular word to us in the particular season of our lives.
Consider this just a reminder to break the surface more regularly. God has a word for you in the middle of whatever your 2023 has looked like so far. I just don’t want us to miss it.
What To Know
Have you noticed the new pattern to our new year posting? It seems between the last week of December 2020 and the first week of January 2021-2023, our “New Year, New Me” posts have been traded for more of a “New Year, Please Don’t Let It Hurt Me” vibe.
Over the last few years, this pattern emerged of sitting and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Be as small as possible, muscles clinched in the tension of what might, could possibly happen.
I started setting smaller goals, dreaming with tighter constraints.
Along the way, there had been a subtle erosion of expectations. I expected less out of situations, relationships, jobs, people...myself.
Ryan loves setting benchmark goals. He creates one big plan, then creates milestones to hit along the way to stay on track to achieving the goal. One year, he wanted us to collectively run 1,000 miles. Spreadsheets were made, math was done and my interest was lost because if you want me to bow out of something, the fastest way to do it is to involve Excel and extensive amounts of division.
But I sensed myself hesitating for other reasons. Setting big goals means the potential for big let downs. I was really tired of let downs.
I was living in fear of stepping into new seasons because I was cornered by the memories of the old.
Essentially, managing my expectations was actually just numbing myself to hope.
Was I really afraid to hope? Or at a minimum, hesitant to hope?
If that’s the case, we end up going through our days in one of two ways - in doubt or indifference.
It’s the difference between caring too much and caring zero.
Many of you have experienced loss, heartache, loneliness, anxiety, grief - in big ways. But feeling them is not the same as understanding them.
Understanding who you are within those moments, and how they’re shaping you, requires us to go deeper.
Deeper than the shallow expectations we can find standing on this earth and more into the depths of eternal expectations. Eternal hope.
Luke Chapter 5 outlines when Jesus calls the disciples. If you’ve spent any time in church over the years, you’ve probably heard this story or seen it on a felt board at one point or another. The more well known words, “Now you will be fishers of men” actually came from this passage. There’s so much to be learned when we lean into the details. Take a quick look:
One day as Jesus was preaching on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, great crowds pressed in on him to listen to the word of God. He noticed two empty boats at the water’s edge, for the fishermen had left them and were washing their nets. (Luke 5:1-2)
Boats, fishermen - both feel pretty insignificant. Being a fisherman was one of that time’s leading professions. Men sitting, scrubbing their nets after a night of fishing is ordinary...almost mundane. But I love when we get to see Jesus enter the ordinary.
As I sat in the corner of my couch at 5:15 a.m., asking Jesus to first keep me awake, and second, meet me right there in my quiet moment before the day began - He revealed a fresh Truth to me that defined going deeper.
Stepping into one of the boats, Jesus asked Simon, its owner, to push it out into the water. So he sat in the boat and taught the crowds from there.
When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish.” (Luke 5:3-4)
Okay, did you catch it? (No pun intended.) Jesus was doing what Jesus did: teaching, leading, shepherding. And Simon was doing what Simon did: fishing. An ordinary day with people doing ordinary things.
Until Jesus asked Simon to do something simple. This is something he probably did every day, multiple times a day - push the boat out into the water. So, Simon did. Just far enough to give Jesus some room to teach the crowds, sticking to the shallow waters. And there, Simon quietly waits as the water gently laps up against the boat’s side. Weariness from a night of work settling into his bones, the gentle rocking of the boat putting him to sleep as he sits comfortably listening to the teacher teach. Suddenly, it goes quiet out on the water and he realizes Jesus is looking at him. He’s speaking directly to him, “Go out where it’s deeper.”
Just when Simon was getting comfortable. Just when he’d finished cleaning his nets and started making plans to go home to rest for a while - Jesus disrupts it. Go out deeper.
I’m more of a shore girl, myself. Most likely after a failed promise from my dad when I was seven that he wouldn’t drop me as he ventured us out into the ocean. He did, in fact, drop me.
Staying close to shore is my personal choice. I like being close to what I know, what I like. Even if the boat floating close to the sands springs a leak, we just step out and walk right on shore, right? No real harm.
Maybe that’s why faith is so hard for me. I’ve spent hours talking it through with my friend, mentor and multi-time podcast guest, Don Wilson. I told him how restless I was, how sure I was that I needed to make a big change. If I leaned deeper, I knew it was time. But, not knowing what was on the other side left me paralyzed. After I admitted that hesitancy to Don, he simply said, “Faith requires the unknown.”
I didn’t much care for that - the unknown of it all. We cling to the known because we have convinced ourselves we somehow control what we know.
We like the shallow waters. We like knowing if we stay where the water barely reaches our knees, we’ll never have to worry about going under.
What do the shallow waters represent for you?
The comfort of a relationship?
The ease of a job?
The avoidance of a conversation?
The relief of dodging anyone actually knowing you?
The convenience of never having to stand up for yourself or for others?
Maybe it’s just looking for Truths in inspirational Instagram posts instead of the words of the Creator of all things...
Jesus asks Simon to go out deeper, and Simon does what we all do…
“Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing…” (Luke 5:5)
This response is nothing new to Jesus. He’s been dealing with our doubts for centuries - and yet He still shows up continually.
This part still gets me, though. I mean, think about it. Jesus - Jesus - is sitting next to you and is like, “Hey, do this.” Instead of doing what He asks, you’re like, “Actually, here’s the deal. I’ve been there, done that. Didn’t work out. But thanks for the suggestion.” We can’t possibly believe he’s asking us to do more.
Can you imagine that moment? The water slapping up against the side of the boat, Simon looking back and forth between the sea and Jesus. Jesus calmly sitting, staring back at Simon in silence, like, “I said what I said.”
It’s funny because it’s true, right?
When people we love separate…
When we don’t get into the school or major we applied for…
When the relationship starts to show the cracks…
When the stick shows up negative again…
When our heart breaks, our anxiety rises and our thoughts race…
In all of those moments, Jesus is asking us to go deeper, and how do we respond?
Instead of interceding with prayer, we choose passive silence.
Instead of the pursuit of wisdom, we choose to numb with noise.
Instead of asking hard questions of ourselves, we choose to blame everyone else.
Instead of letting people in, we choose isolation.
Instead of honesty, we choose vagueness.
And we chalk it all up to trying. Our trying is often related to our trouble. We excuse ourselves after half-hearted attempts.
That’s the problem: Our choices center on our comfort. So when Jesus tries to draw us deeper, we defend what we’ve already done. We set limits on the Giver because we’re scared what it takes to receive. At least I am.
Look what Simon does after his moment of doubt...
“But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.” (Luke 5:5)
Jesus said to go deeper, so in spite of his doubt, his exhaustion, his uncertainty, his form of trying, Simon went deeper. He trusted the words of Jesus.
Look what was waiting out deeper:
And this time their nets were so full of fish they began to tear! (Luke 5:6)
This kind of abundance couldn’t be found in the shallows.
Jesus wants abundance for us. He directs us to it. But we use our limited knowledge to limit His promises. We can’t imagine what could be so we sit in what is.
What could be waiting for you deeper?
Forgiveness of yourself or others?
Healing from heartache?
Unfleeting joy?
Worthiness.
Acceptance.
Security.
Peace.
Release.
I believe what waits in the deeper is often not material - it’s eternal. It’s a perspective that isn’t shifted by the constant change of this world, but is rooted in the unchanging words of Jesus.
I want that for you. I want that for me. I want to go deeper, knowing that’s where I’ll find the abundance in a world that is lacking.
The only way to consistently go deeper is to ask for help.
I have to start giving permission.
Those closest to me need permission to me to point out when they see me drifting back to the shallows.
Who will look at you and remind you what’s to be found when you float in the unknown, knowing the truth of who Jesus is and all He’s promised?
Your story matters.
Your experiences matter.
Not just for you, but for all of those coming behind you.
Reflection
Spend some time dwelling on Psalm 139.
Pay attention to the details, specifically, the words He chose to describe how He thinks of you.
Which parts lodge themselves in your heart and which parts are hard for you to really believe?
Questions to Consider
Who will go with you?
How will you make the consistent effort to keep going deeper? (Is it a set time a few days a week, is it an openness in intentional conversations? Is it giving someone who loves you the freedom to ask hard questions?)
What do you hope to find there?
Will you trust Jesus even if what you hope is there isn’t?
Going deeper isn’t just for you. It’s for all of those floating in the shallows who just need someone to say, “I’ve been there, too. Let me show you what’s waiting when you push your boat out a little deeper.”
What To Try
The magazine world + Clint from What Not To Wear had me real worried about how to dress in a way that transitions easily from day-time to night-time. As if I’d regularly leave my 9:00-5:00 and not race home to stretchy pants and oversized sweatshirts. Here’s what we really need to be talking about: How quickly can we transition professional-ish to comfort? I’m here to break records.
May I introduce you to Old Navy’s high-waisted joggers? I have them in four colors that I rotate as often as I remember to do the laundry (i.e. move the clothes from the washer to the dryer in a timely manner). I’m not saying it would be ideal to roll into the boardroom in these bad boys, but pair them with a boyfriend-fit button up and Nikes on Casual Friday? Why, yes. Yes, I think you can.
Here’s to pants without buttons and inventive ways to work them into every area of life.
What To Ignore
Chipotle. Okay, maybe ignore is too strong of a word. But I’ll say Chipotle, Salsarita’s Qdoba and Moe’s all got bumped down the Tex-Mex list because Dos Bros is now the reigning champion.
If we hadn’t also made the 2023 commitment to cut our eating out budget in half - the Holland family would be there 3-4 nights a week.
As far as that whole “cutting our eating out budget in half” little tidbit…TBA on how long that will last. I’ll report back. Maybe.
Budgets are downers, but you know what isn’t? A brand new season of No One Told Me launching next Monday, January 23! Thank you all for every share, DM and piece of feedback you send my way. I’m always so dadgum grateful.
See you next Monday!
