What If It Was Taken Away?
And your stories about seasons you didn't expect.
Why does mid/late May feel like we need to cut ties with all responsibilities and only semi-worry about what we’ll eat for dinner + if there’s a pool close by to lay beside?
Even in my 30’s, my brain is still conditioned for a two-month, make your day whatever you want it to be, break. And the fact we don’t? Well now, that’s honestly the curse of adulting.
The upside: We now get to PICK where we vacation so SAYONARA sketchy Panama City condos and hello, to the blue chairs & umbrellas on reserved beaches that I always had to drag my cooler/beach bag/chair through.
Being an adult is the world’s biggest give-and-take.
What To Know
Idols are easy to build. They subtly take over our thoughts, feelings and desires - eventually, they define our decisions.
All of 2021 was spent deconstructing idols. Late nights reading and writing (if I’m honest, sometimes sobbing) in bed as God one-by-one began dislodging the roots of all I’d put above Him.
For longer than I care to admit, I thought of idols only in the sense of the Israelites in the Old Testament, worshipping at a golden calf. For them, this particular idol was born out of waiting. Moses was on the mountain, talking with God - while those left down below grew tired of waiting on where God would direct them next.
So, they melted all their gold jewelry and took matters into their own hands - constructing a giant gold calf (odd choice, tbh).
What started as a distraction, became their direction.
Their eyes weren’t set on the Creator anymore. Their future was now fueled by what they created.
Geez, how quick to forget they (we) are. Just twelve chapters earlier in Exodus 20, God had spoken to Moses, loud enough for the Israelites to hear, handing down what He asks of us:
“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
You shall have no other gods before me.” (Exodus 20:2)
As is the case with all God does, there is purpose to the very first commandment revolving around idolatry. Martin Luther wrote about it, arguing, “The fundamental motivation behind law-breaking is idolatry. We never break the other commandments without breaking the first one.”
Tim Keller (who is super deep, but super formative) wrote in his book Counterfeit Gods:
We would not lie unless first we had made something—human approval, reputation, power over others, financial advantage—more important and valuable to our hearts than the grace and favor of God.
We say, “If I have ____, then I will feel like my life has meaning. Then I’ll know I have value. And I’ll feel significant and secure.”
Idols give us a sense of being in control and we can locate them by looking at our nightmares: What do we fear the most? What, if we lost it, would make life hard to walk through?
Here’s what I’m getting at, the idols we build are rarely constructed intentionally. We aren’t thinking, “Oh, new day, new idol. What can I give the throne of my heart to today?”
Nope, idols grow as awareness erodes. Schedules filled, milestones marked, relationships built, professional ladders climbed - until you poke your head up from the striving long enough to realize…these good things became faux-holy things. Elevated and positioned in life to be what we look to for definition and direction.
To tell you the most frustrating truth: I didn’t know I’d built idols. I wasn’t warned at the ease in which we lay the foundation of good intentions, slowly adding bricks of Yes’s, mortared with appreciation and admiration.
Was I still pursuing a relationship with Jesus? Sure I was. But the fruits of my pursuit were always dampened by the position of my heart.
I lived on the fringes of God’s work, because my work came first.
His Kingdom coming was sacrificed for the kingdoms I was building. As a wife, mother, employee, friend.
I wish I’d learned to pay attention sooner. To notice what held priority privately, even when spurting off priorities publicly.
When you start identifying idols, there’s a few reactions we have:
Blame what let you down. We hold accountable the thing that disappointed us and try to move on to something better. According to Keller, that just continues the cycle of idolatry.
Blame yourself. This leads to negative thought patterns and shame.
Blame the world. Which only leaves us annoyed, cynical and lost.
All three are forms of deflection. We want to justify our decisions for what we were looking to to justify our existence.
So, what in your life do you use to justify yourself? What, if removed, leaves you unsure who you are?
Chances are, your answer is your idol.
Identify it. Confess it. Reject it. Over and over.
Open your hands. Set your eyes on things above. Develop spiritual disciplines (time in the word, prayer, worship).
“Analysis can help you discover Truths, but then you have to pray them into your heart. And that takes time.”
I have (and still am) done the work to undo the damage of my idols. Maybe if I’d known sooner, I could’ve pumped the brakes sooner?
Idol-making is our world’s favorite past-time. If I can point to what I got wrong to help you maybe get it a little more right? Sign me up. Every time.
What To Ignore
That voice telling you you’re a little crazy for feeling lost in a new season of life. Adulthood, dating, marriage, motherhood, job change - NEWS FLASH - most of us feel like we’re in way over our heads. (If you could’ve been a fly on the wall my first night home with Henley - COMPLETE MELTDOWN PEOPLE.)
The more often we admit we’re all mostly just trying to figure it out as we go - the more often we’ll walk in the shaky confidence that comes with a level playing field.
Over on NOTMPodcast, I asked who struggled to figure out life after college and the majority of you were quick to say, “THAT’S ME.” I feel that.
So we did my favorite thing, we leaned into shared experience because that’s the space we feel less alone. Here are some of your responses:
What was the toughest part?
“Figuring out what job I could do that I would actually enjoy.”
“My community completely changed. As in all my people moved and all of our schedules changed. I went from seeing them every day to trying for once every couple weeks.”
“Where did all my free time go?!?!”
“I didn’t feel like I was on the same track as everyone else.”
“I felt like I was going to have to fail to figure it out - and I don’t like failing.”
“People don’t give you the benefit of the doubt anymore, because you’re no longer a college student and everyone’s struggling just as much as you are.”
“Finding new friends, but also trying so hard to maintain existing relationships after everyone moved away.”
“My whole life had been mapped out - and suddenly, I was on my own to figure out what’s next.”
“I felt like I’d checked all the boxes, but still didn’t have a clear next “big” thing on deck.”
“Figuring out that no one is making you do anything.”
“Abrupt loneliness. So much change at once.”
“Starting the career I went to school for, thinking I would love it, and then hating it. I felt stuck.”
Hey, can I just remind you? You’re not alone. There is purpose for you here. Wherever ‘here’ is right now. Let me say it again: We’re all figuring it out as we go. May we all have the confidence of Andy Dwyer.
What To Try
Now that we’ve fully covered the problem - let’s talk solutions, eh? I’ll tell you what, one of my greatest pet peeves is when a problem is brought to the table without a solution. So, allow me to follow-up with your all’s best advice for working through this after college season…
“Talking to other people feeling the same way as me. Making it a priority to find what was good about the change.”
“I started trying something new outside of my comfort zone more often.”
“Lots of prayer and recognizing my own journey apart from everyone else’s.”
“Finding mentors, asking friends and making it a point to find community.”
“People. Ahead. Of. Me. Asking for help and understanding others struggled, too.”
“I found people/community who gave as much grace as I gave/needed myself!”
“One day at a time. I’m learning to separate my worth from my achievements.”
“Just held on to the Truth that God had a specific plan for me.”
“Found a really great mentor.”
“Took time to figure out what making friends looked like as an adult - and realizing it requires more effort on my part.”
“Continued putting myself out there, making building community a top tier priority.”
“Seeking the community I craved - specifically women older than me!”
“Setting small, monthly goals for myself.”
“Counseling! Establish rhythms of health in my new season.”
“Accepting that friendships WILL change and being intentional about new rhythms.”
“Trial/error, prayer and giving myself permission to ask lots of questions.”
“Having really honest convos with friends, seeing there are good and bad sides to every season.”
One of the biggest takeaways for me so far in every season of adulting: Try, even when you don’t feel like it.
Even when it makes you squirm. Even when that low-hum of anxiety fires up. Even when you can think of 2390 excuses not to. Try anyway.
There’s few things I love more than giving voice to your stories & experiences. We’ll do exactly that next Thursday, May 26, at the last Collective of the semester. If you’ve been before, can I just go ahead and ask you back? And if you haven’t jumped in yet, but have thought about it - maybe being there is the trying we’re talking about?
In whatever season you’re navigating - I’m cheering for you wildly.
